So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
