And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
