At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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