did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
