He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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