Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Four minutes until I can fart!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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