a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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