A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
