I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
