dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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