the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize