She said her name was "party"
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
