i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
