Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
