This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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