I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Who wears a wallet chain?!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize