Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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