I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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