pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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