He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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