i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
