Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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