seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
even my farts smell like vagina
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
