Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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