Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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