apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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