Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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