a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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