We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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