Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
