Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize