Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I am one with the molecules
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
