The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I think I just shit out all my problems.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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