you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
