I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
