Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Holy sore nipples Batman
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
