If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
