The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
