loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
