Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
