He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize