I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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