You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
