So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
