i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
