I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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