sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
