I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Sorry my hands just texted you
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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