Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
