Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
