Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
