So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
