i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woke up backwards on a recliner
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize