Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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