Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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