my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
as a side note pls kill me
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
