You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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