Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
