I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
