My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
