I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I deserve this hangover.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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