Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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