what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
