I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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