Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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