ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
