Your dad touched me again.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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