What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
