I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
