I cockslap morals
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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