if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
