trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We need a shit load of segways right now
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
