Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize