I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
