so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
