She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
