So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I want to be your penis for a week.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
