How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
