Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
