if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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