dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
