i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
So squirting runs in the family.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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