home. puking in laundry basket.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
