So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
