I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
