Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
my nose is crying tears of wow.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
