oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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