saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
dude. I can hear the air.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize