My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
