well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
