Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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