Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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