There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
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