I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
What a dumb baby whore.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
