My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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