So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize