there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
