Apparently you make a good broom.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
