Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
