the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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