I think i peed on brittanys purse
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
