you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
