Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
