i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
