you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
