She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize