Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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