capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
