i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
