direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I think my moral compass just broke
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
